dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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