I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
