And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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