maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
