He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
