Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
