I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
