Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
