it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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