According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
