oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize