I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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