but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He felt like a one man threesome
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
