Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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