got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
