she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
