he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
