Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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