Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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