Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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