you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
