I got chris browned last night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
