My hand turned me down
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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