dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
