I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
