i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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