why didn't you poke me back
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
