I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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