i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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