he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
