I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
