It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
