He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
