it wasn't lemon gatorade
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
