Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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