My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
