I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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