I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i think i just lost a toe
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
