the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
