clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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