In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
