Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
