she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
