I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize