ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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