so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
