P.S. I can't hear my feet
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She needs sedatives and a leash
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
