Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Randomize
