do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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