You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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