five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
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