apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
