I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
