I'm pants shitting drunk right now
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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