somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just wanna soil my oats bro
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
