I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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