Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
