i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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