I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
