The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
