i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
