I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
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