I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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