just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize