I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
