i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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