Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Randomize
