thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
