I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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