sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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