Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
