based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
