swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
whose parrot is this?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
