I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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