Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
