yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
