Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
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My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
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Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize