and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
whose parrot is this?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
