Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
